Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
