this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
