I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
