somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
