i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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