Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
