you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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