I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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