Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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