I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
