3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
