My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
