Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
