I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
