A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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