i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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