Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
