I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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