Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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