Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
