I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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