In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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