Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
