Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
