So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
