he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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