Sponge bath it is.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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