My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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