I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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