turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
