I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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