At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
