We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
