On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
