cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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