Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
