I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
