In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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