Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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