Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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