I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
