M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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