dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
