I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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