first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How external is "for external use only"?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
