Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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