I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
