Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize