well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
