Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
