She said her name was "party"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize