i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
