sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
