And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
