How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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