I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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