C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
