there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
