3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
