so explain again why im purple
no
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize