Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize